


Maybe We're Meant To Lose The Ones We Love, But I'll Fight For You Till Then

by orphan_account



Series: TSATSP [2]
Category: Pierce the Veil, Sleeping With Sirens
Genre: Cutting, Death, Depression, F/M, Guilt, Love, Lust, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-12-28
Updated: 2016-02-08
Packaged: 2018-05-10 00:40:48
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 11
Words: 11,941
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5562136
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sequel to 'The Swimmer and the Soccer Player'. Read that one first please!</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Vic's POV

He's gone. Gone, gone, gone. Never coming back. I can't stand it, I miss him so much. It feels like my heart is collapsing in on itself, and I want to just fade away or die to make this pain inside me stop. 

It was never supposed to be this way. He never set out to hurt me, built as the months passed I could see him losing more and more of himself. Me trying to save him was like trying to keep a wave on the sand. And eventually, he left me.

The boy on the blue moon. That was my nickname for him, ever since there was an actual moon and he was goofy, pretending he actually lived there, not earth. That he was just 'vacationing' on earth. 

God, I miss him. I miss how silly he'd be, I miss sweet kisses in the dark. I miss being a kid with him, and I miss all the love we shared. The place in my heart that used to house that love is like a hole in my soul, going deeper and deeper. I can't take it.

He promised me before I left to the store that he loved me. That he was fine. I shouldn't have believed him, and I had my doubts, but I knew it would only be a few minutes I was leaving him alone. 

"I love you, blue moon boy." Those were my last words to him. I thought he would be okay, the people in the dorms near us would hear a loud noise and he said he loved me. He promised he'd never leave.

He lied.

When I came back, smiling and holding supplies for a movie night, I saw him. Slumped against the wall. Three empty pill bottles. His last words to me were, "Let me go, Love." And then he passed out.

The ambulance came for him. I prayed for the first time in years. Apparently that was the wrong thing to do, because that ambulance was hit by a big SUV. Everyone in both vehicles died. 

What was left of him his parents wanted to be buried in their home town, in Michigan. So that's why I'm here now, transferred to a college I don't care about. I just need him, if he was going to leave this world how could he have done it without me? Without him there is no me...

He always said he'd never hurt me. But the demon in his head didn't, and the demon spoke sickly sweet promises to him I never caught wind of till it was much too late. 

Because the demon didn't care about me, just it's prize. In the end, I lost the fight with the demon. I lost him, I lost my friends when I moved here, I lost everything. I hate he demon who lived in his head, and now the demon has a new target. 

Me. I've taken up his mantle as the boy on the blue moon, the boy who could fly. Maybe the demon has something against those who let their hopes fly them to accomplishments, so the demon crushes the hope and the person. Either way, he has his sights set on me, the new boy who could fly.

The boy on the blue moon hears a nightmare in his head.

Kellin's POV

I saw him. The boy I never thought I'd see again, the one I cursed when I couldn't sleep. The one my friends, the new ones at Michigan U, tried to get me to move on from. But I can't move on from him, and I hate it, but keep saw him. 

He was visiting a grave. I was walking past the graveyard, and he was wearing a suit, and he looked hot but I pretended I didn't notice. He put a bouquet of yellow roses on the grave he was visiting. I hate him for what he did to me, so I approached him. 

"Why hello there," I said sarcastically to him. He turned around, startled. When he saw me he just frowned.

"What are you doing here?" He asked me quietly. None of his energy, passion, love was in his words. Not even malice. He just seemed... tired. Really tired. Like even standing up was a huge accomplishment for him. 

I couldn't let my guard down, though. He might have been tricking me! Convincing me to fall for him again, so that he could break my heart. But then I thought, oh but he has Oliver. So then I said in a really mean voice, "Oh, how's Oli doing?"

The reaction he gave was not what I was looking for. He looked like he was about to cry, and maybe he was. He sighed, and pointed to the grave he was visiting. "See for yourself." Then he walked away from me.

I feel so stupid for not getting it at first. Maybe the possibility seemed to impossible I never considered it. But when I looked at that gravestone, I saw only two words that made my knees buckle and my chest cave in.

Oliver Sykes

Loving Boyfriend, Son, and Fiance

We miss you, and know you're in a better place

"The boy on the blue moon dreams of sun"


	2. Chapter 2

Kellin's POV

     "Kells... it's pathetic. You need to get over this guy! He cheated on you two years ago!" My best friend, Hayley yells at me. I try to tell her about what happened, but once she heard the name Vic she kinda blew up. She may or may not hate him because of what I told her about him...

     "But-"

      "No! He does not deserve all his attention you give him! He's fu.cking awful for all he did for you! He-" I cut her off.

      "Oli is dead." That makes her go silent. It turns out she knew Oli before he moved to Vic and I's school, and they were really good friends. For awhile she was in a state of denial that he could do all that to me, but even when she accepted it she still harbours a spot in her heart for him. I do too, I mean he was a really, really good friend. Other than the fact that he cheated with my boyfriend behind my back. That wasn't cool.

      Her voice is quiet when she speaks, deadly quiet. The slight tremor in her voice is kinda scary, "What?" She asks. "No. He can't be dead. Oli doesn't die! I know because I tried to low key kill him in second grade! I put a pillow on his head and he bit me! He wouldn't ... Oli does not just... die!" By the end she's screaming at me. Holy fu.cking sh.it.

      "Okay, okay, calm down-"

      "Calm down?! How can I possibly calm down?! Oli, one of my best friends ever, is dead! Sure, be was a stupid di.ck, but he didn't deserve to die!" She starts crying. "He... He never deserved to die!" I sit her down on the couch and sit next to her, rubbing her back.

    "How ... hi did he die?" She asks me. I frown. 

     "Hayley, I don't think you want to know-"

     "Of course I do! Now tell me," she demands, turning to face me. I sigh. She's not going to take this well. I didn't, I cried for an hour, even though I'm supposed to hate him. I never did. He was a really good friend.

      "I found his parents, you know they live near the college, and I asked them, and-" I get cut off by Hayley again.

      "Kellin. Just tell me."

      "Attempted suicide and a car accident." I say, and the words hit Hayley hard. She starts sobbing again, and I sigh. This is gonna be a long night.

*******

      I don't expect to see him again. I thought it would be a 'see ya once, bye' thing, but I saw Vic at the cafe I always go to the morning after I told Hayley about Oli. He isn't in some shit anymore, but casual clothes, his ever present bracelets still on his wrists. His fashion sense hasn't really changed since high school, but then again, neither has mine. 

     He's wearing a Michigan U t-shirt though. Does that mean he's going there now? I used to go there. I dropped out at the end of last year. Why? Because I decided I didn't want to be a swimmer, or a lawyer. I want to go far with music. I started a band, we're called sleeping with sirens. Of course, things got even more complicated when Copeland came along.

      I honestly don't even remember having se.x with Katelynne, but then I hardly remember anything from freshmen year of college. I was drunk or high most if the time, and it got to the point mother almost kicked me out. Yeah, I'm living with my parents. 

      I was probably doing all that shady stuff because of where my 'parents' or the Jardine's sent me. They threatened to not pay for my college if I didn't go to this boarding school in Oregon. They wanted me away from my biological parents and Vic. Well, Mrs. Jardine did, at least. Mr. Jardine still seemed hesitant about it.

      Now I have to be responsible for Copeland, or Cope. Sure, she's a little monster, but I love her. I don't know where Katelynne went after dumping newborn Cope on my doorstep, but I haven't seen her since. In my mind, she doesn't even count as one of Cope's parents anymore.  

      I know I shouldn't, but I walk over to where Vic is sitting and sit across from him. He raises an eyebrow, but doesn't say anything, which I find weird. The Vic I knew would start talking to ease the tension. Or he'd tease me. Or he'd do something. But not this Vic. It's almost like I don't know him anymore. 

     A thought strikes me. Maybe I don't, not anymore.

      "So..." I start. "That weather though." I try to ease the tension by smiling lightly, but Vic just sighs. He doesn't smile, he doesn't laugh. Just sighs, like a grumpy pants. Well, fine then. I can see how this is.

     "What do you want, Kellin?" Vic asks. I'm surprised at his voice, it's just like at the centenary. Tired, like even talking was wearing him out so much he might just fall over right now. "An apology?" He further questions.

     "I don't want-"

      "I don't care. I want to apologize, because Kellin I am very sorry about what I did to you." He sighs. "What I did to all of us. I thought... I thought I was protecting you. Maybe I was just protecting me." His words are astounding. He... he's really sorry? Like, he sounds serious. Fu.ck, he sounds to tired to lie. I decide I don't like Vic when he's like this. I  miss seeing his bright smile. The one that could light up the whole fu.cking room.

      "I- I think I forgive you Vic." I say. His head perks up, and I continue. "We should put all our stupid high school stuff behind us. It's not worth it. Especially since Oli-"

     "Don't." He interrupts me. "Don't... I just can't be reminded every second that... please just no. It hurts so much already." My heart fills with compassion for Vic. He recently lost his fiance.

      "I'm sorry, really I am. I ... I used to be friends with him." I say. He laughs, weakly, but its still a laugh. I feel success! 

      "No kidding. We though," he shakes his head. "We were never friends. It went from gate to love, no in between. Maybe that's where we went wrong." He sighs yet again, and his smile drops. "That or I was a stupid as.shole."

      "Hey," I say, "we were both pretty stupid. Don't be so hard on yourself." He laughs again, by its dark and humorless. I don't enjoy it, no, not at all.

"Why not? It's true." I frown at this. Is he like this to himself all the time? He gets up. "Now this was a great meet up and all, but I really gotta go." Panic rises in me for some reason. 

"Wait, Vic!" I say, and get up too. He tries to start walking away but I grab his wrist. He gasps and winces. What's the matter with him? When I pull my hand away I'm stunned to see small droplets of blood. Vic's blood.

I stare at Vic in horror. I'm about to speak, but he says, "Kellin, no. Just leave it."

"But-" I start to protest, but he cuts me off again.

"No. Kellin, just..." He sighs, and looks so defeated. "Kellin," he starts again. "Please. Just, go away and... leave me alone" with that he runs off, leaving me standing in shock at the table. Yeah, Vic has definitely changed. A lot.


	3. Chapter 3

Vic's POV

     He won't let me go. I can tell already that he isn't over me, which is really sad. I'm not worth him being so upset. I ruined him. Maybe I should be the one to put him back together again?

     No. I can't. If I do I know I'll just hurt him again, and he doesn't deserve that. No one deserves what I did to poor, innocent Kellin. Yeah, he went through a lot of stuff in his past that stripped him if his innocence, but I see now that me being with him was slowly repairing him. And then I destroyed him. 

     A few years ago, my biggest fear was losing people, or them leaving me. Now? Everyone already has left me, and in that I discovered myself. After Kellin left I made things right with Mike and Dad. So maybe we're meant to lose the ones we love. 

      I step into my new dorm room and sigh. Sure, it's great I don't have a roommate, but it's also awful. I'm so lonely here, I miss my family. I miss Mike smiling and a few times actually asked me for advice. I miss Dad telling me he's proud of me. 

      But I knew I'd die without Oli. Even though he's dead, at least here I can visit him. While there is the argument letting him be buried here but me staying with my family, I knew I had to be able to visit him or I'd go insane. Not that I'm claiming that I am sane, no. Just that I'm not as far gone as I could be. 

     I set my things down and sit on my bed. I pull out my phone, I probably have many texts and or missed calls. I am awful about answering texts and calls, and Oli used to tease me about it all the time. I'd say I hate him, but then he'd wave his hand in front of my face, showing off the ring I gave him that he adored so much, and say, "I don't think so."

     Oli. He's there everywhere I go, reminders and moments and deja vu of the worst kind. Sometimes his old friends will stop me on the street and confess their condolences, but it doesn't help to know more people are miserable. It really just makes me feel worse. 

Trigger Warning

     I glance over at my nightstand, where in the bottom drawer I keep my blades. Yeah, I started cutting again. I know I shouldn't, that it helps nothing, but once you relapse it's hard to stay clean. And I relapsed first the day Oli died. 

     It's kinda sad, my scars were almost faded completely. Oli and I celebrated my anniversaries of being clean together, he told me I was so strong. Now? Now I can't even back away from the temptations of silver.

     No. I won't, not tonight. I have to try to stay clean, for me, for Oli, for my family, for my friends, and most recently, for Kellin. I could see how astonished, how hurt he was when he pulled away his hand to see blood. I don't want to hurt him. Not again, not ever. 

Trigger part over

     I hear a knock at my dorm room door. Ugh. It's people. Whatever, I guess I'll have to talk to them awhile so they think I'm nice. 

     Walking over to the door I stub my toe on a stupid coffee table. "Fu.ck!" I exclaims, grabbing my foot and hobbling to the door. This person better have something pretty fu.cking important to tell me, I stubbed a toe for this little sh.it.

     I open the door, letting go of my foot first, to see the face of the one and only, Kellin Quinn. "Heya," he says, smiling. "I think we need to talk."

Kellin's POV

     I swear I'm not a stalker or anything even remotely like that. I just need to talk to Vic. So... I maybe followed him? It's not that creepy, not really! Shut up, me. I am perfectly normal. And definitely not a stalker in the slightest. 

     Vic looks surprised to see me, and doesn't say anything, in fact he kinda looks like a fish right now. Wide eyes, gaping mouth. All he needs to do is be wet and scaly and flopping on the ground, dying without water, and the image would be complete. But enough of that, he is not a literal fish.

      "Are you going to invite me in?" I ask. He blinks before answering.

      "Um. Okay. I suppose so?" He seems really off guard. Huh, he seemed more or less calm, cool, and collected at the table at the cafe. But I guess anyone would be nervous if their ex that they cheated on with one of their friends found you after two years, and found out you were cutting again, and pretended it was whatever and, followed you home, or at least to your dorm. Well, after thinking about it, I guess he's probably just nervous because I sound like a creep, even to me. What has my life come to? Sigh. 

      He hasn't moved, so I just duck under his arm and walk past him into his dorm room. You know how people say 'make yourself at home'? I seem to be one of the only people that actually does that instead of pretending I'm comfy. Like, I don't get that. Then again, I make myself at home even if they don't say I can. Like right now, actually!

     "Where are they?" I ask. He knows I'm referring to his blades. He doesn't say anything, so I check his nightstand. Sure enough, I find them. "Hey Vic?" I say. He turns around.

     "What?" He asks me, sounding annoyed at me. I don't blame him, I'd be annoyed if I were him. When he sees me holding his blades his eyes widen. "No! Put those back. Stop!" He demands. I shake my head.

      "You have two choices here, Viceroo. You can either get rid of these yourself, or I can get rid of them. Either way, they're gone, and either way, they're gone today."  He hesitates. "You do want to stop, right?" I ask him.

      He nods slowly. Wow, he's so unnerved right now. Well, if he thought I was just going to sit back and let him do this to himself then he was wrong. Even if we didn't have a history I'd do this. Even if I didn't know him. Someone needs to take the step to help people get better, and if they won't help themself then pullover it myself. Humans at precious, and destroying the masterpiece that is your body because of some demons in your head is stupid. Fight back, and if they won't then I'll come rushing in with a figurative machine gun and blast those sons of bit.ches to pieces. 

     "Yeah," he says softly. "I want to stop. But-"

     "No." I interrupt him. "That's it. You want to stop. Well, you've gotta start stopping somewhere, and if you won't do it yourself then I choose today for you. For good." He hesitates again, but nods. 

      "Uh, okay." He seems to nervous to argue. This is not he Vic I know, and I am determined to get him, or at least a more confident and happy version of him, back. He's not going to end up like Oli if it's the last thing I do. 

     "Good. Admitting you want to solve the problem is the third step." I say.

     His eyebrows furrow. "What are the first two steps? Let me guess, admitting you have a problem, and-" his voice got mocking when he said the 'first step', but I simply interrupt him again.

     "Nope. That's the second step." He looks at me like I'm crazy, which I might be, but whatever. I'm still saner than him right now. After all, he's the one who's mutilating his own, beautiful, body.

     "Then what in he.ll is the first step?" He asks me, scoffing. 

     "The first step to solving your problems is creating the problem. After all, you can't solve something that doesn't exist in the first place." He looks like he wants to argue, but can't. I know he's just stalling. 

     He doesn't talk, so I fill the empty space. "Look, I know you think you need these," I gesture to the blades, "that you think they make you stronger or whatever, but they do the exact opposite."

     "They distract me. From all the pain. Like when you get hit, but you bite your tongues to distract yourself and make it hurt less," he says, head down. I sigh and walk up to him.

     "You can't just hide from your pain, Vic." I say quietly. "You've gotta accept it, embrace it, then let it go. Maybe you're holding on to this pain because you know it's from losing Oli. This pain," I gesture to the blades, "it isn't a distraction. It's an extension. You're prolonging your pain. You miss him, so you're holding on to it so that he isn't really gone. But you've gotta let him go, Vic." He says nothing.

     I flick his arm. "Ow!" He says, puts his hand over the part of his arm I flicked. "What the fu.ck was that for?!" He demands.

     "Wait a second," I say. He looks at me like I'm from a different planet, but waits. Silence hangs in the air like fog. After a little while and after he drops his hand from his arm, I ask, "Does it still hurt?"

     "No. Not anymore. But seriously-"

     "That's the point. The pain, it went away, right?" I ask. He nods. "This pain, the intense, awful pain, it'll go away too. Let it go away," I put my free hand in his, "and make this pain go away." By now he's crying, silently, but tears are rolling down his cheeks.

     He chokes out one word. "Okay."

     So we head over to the bathroom, well, I lead him there. We kneel next to the toilet, and one by one touch the blades till there is only one left. He states at it for a long time. "You okay?" I ask. 

      He nods. "It's just... this was my first blade. The first one ever, even before my relapse. The one I used in middle and high school. I kept it to remind me- remind me to be strong." He laughs darkly. "Look how that turned out."

     "Vic-"

      "No, no. It's okay. I just..." he takes a deep breath. "I have a few things to say. It just feels more real, more... meaningful that way." I nod.

     "Okay."

      He holds the blade in front of his face, as if he was talking to a person, not an inanimate object. "I'm sorry. I'm so, so sorry. I misused you. You were from a fu.cking pencil sharpener, something supposed to be used to create. And all I ever did was use you to destroy. It's not your fault I used you wrong, so again, I'm sorry. You deserved much better, you inanimate, lifeless piece of metal, you.'' He says.

     In a voice so small and quiet I can barely hear it, he says, "And now I'm letting you go." He gives it a tiny kiss, and drops it in the bowl. "Can you help me?" He asks. I smile, and put my hand over his. Together, we flush away that blade. The first one is the last to go. I have to say, it's kinda fitting.

      As soon as it's gone he collapses on me, crying. I just hold him, let him get it all out. This is long overdue, I can tell. And I'm going to take it upon myself to make sure this never happens again.

     When he's done, we stand up. I check the digital clock and it's late. I go to leave, but he holds me back. "Vic?" I question him.

      "Stay. Please, for tonight?" He asks, looking shy for the first time ever. I step back to him and smile reassuringly.

     "If you want me to." He just nods, so I lead him to his bed. He sheds all clothes but his boxers, and I do the same but I keep my shirt on. He holds me like a teddy bear, comforting him. And we fall asleep like that. Calm, comfortable, safe.

     Together.


	4. Chapter 4

Vic's POV

I wake up next to someone. But I don't remember going to any party or bar...? Then I remember the events of yesterday. It All comes rushing back. Oh. Strangely I don't feel alone, or terrified like I thought I would if I ever got rid of my blades. I feel... relief. I was holding myself back from my own peace, and now, thanks to Kellin, I'm free.

Kellin. He's he one next to me. I remember now, I asked him to stay. God, I owe him so much. He got over all I did to him, forgave me, and helped me through my own sh.it. I was wrong by thinking he needed putting back together yesterday. He's more together now then I think I've ever been. And God, did I need that push from him. I don't know if I ever would've had the strength to do that without him helping me.

But I'm not completely done. I know, to really get myself healed from the loss of Oli, to really let him go, I have to visit him. I have to see him. It's like that blade I actually spoke to last night. They mean too much for me to just dismiss. And I have to have closure. So that's what I'm going to do. I'm going to let Oli go, finally. 

But for now? For now I want to stay here, in this warm bed, with this wonderful boy asleep

*******

Kellin's POV

Vic is currently sitting on the ground next to Oli's grave. He's talking softly, but I'm close enough to hear him. He asked me to come with him to visit Oli. I guess he just needs the extra support after last night. After all, he was so dependant on those stupid pieces of metal, he's gonna need some extra support to handle it. But he'll be okay, I'm absolutely sure of it. Vic is stronger than he thinks.

"-Oli... you meant the world to me. You know that. But- but I've gotta let you go now. Otherwise you being gone will ruin me. I know you wouldn't want that. You always told me to stay strong, no matter what. Well... you make me weak now that you're gone. So I might not visit in a while, okay? I just got to get over you." He sighs, and he says in a very small voice, "I'm letting you go. Goodbye, Oli." With that he walks over to me.

"You okay?" I ask him. He starts to nod, but then shakes his head, as if knowing he can trust me with the truth. I pull him into a hug. "You will be." I mutter into his neck. "I promise."

He pulls out of the hug and starts to walk away. I follow him, and halfway to the car he grabs my hand. I look down at his hand, and up to him, but he's just looking forward. I smile and grip his hand back. I don't know if he really means anything by the gesture, but I hope so. 

When we get to the car he disconnects our hands with no recognition that he ever held it in the first place. We drove back to him place in silence, because it was my car we were using and I am going to just drop him off. Unless... he invites me in? Meh, he probably won't, he's still not over Oli quite yet. Maybe later.

We arrive at his dorm and he hesitates to leave. "Hey... Kells?" He asks. I perk up internally but try to hide it. 

"Yeah Vic?" 

"Can you ... stay awhile? I know I'm probably bring a clingy little sh.it, but I really just can't be alone right now, and-" I silence him by putting a hand in his upper arm.

"Vic, of course." I reassure him. He smiles, but still looks nervous.

"Are you sure? You don't have to, you know." Oh trust me Vic, I know. 

I don't even have to think about what he said before saying, "Vic, you should know by know there is nothing I wouldn't do for you." I see something flash in his eyes, fear, recognition, shock? But then it's gone. Oh, well, whatever. 

I follow him inside his dorm. I know maybe it's too early to try to make a move on him, so I think I won't. That would be insensitive. I wish we had met again on better circumstances. Because even though it was easy to be mad at him at first, after only spending a few minutes with him I know that I'm still in love.

Vic's POV

"Do you wanna, like, watch a movie or something?" I suggest. Kellin examines me for a second.

"No."

"No? Okay, um, I guess-"

"You don't need a movie right now. You need to get out, it's so better distraction." I guess that makes sense. I hesitantly nod. I hate bring so nervous around him, but I can tell that even just getting rid of my blades yesterday and visiting and letting Oli go today has helped a lot. I'm really thankfully Kellin, I'm glad he managed to get past our stupid high school stuff, because I haven't. I still feel incredibly guilty for what I did to Kellin.

Even though I have a few doubts, I just follow him. How bad can things get, right?

*******

I drunkenly giggle. "No, you be quiet!" Then I continue to sloppily kiss Kellin, running my hands all over him, drinking in every inch of his body.

"But we really gotta, Viccypoo! Or my dorm mate might hear!" He whisper shouts to me. 

"Hahaha, it's okay." I tell him. 

"Really? Wow! Okay then!" He responds enthusiastically. I pull him closer.

"We don't need words for what happens next."


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So I live in Missouri, and I'm so lucky not to be in any of the places where the flooding is really bad, and for my family to all be safe, but I really hope anyone else with problems like these get better soon! Prayers go your direction, even if I'm agnostic! Happy New year's, everyone!

Vic's POV 

I wake up next to Kellin, my arm around him. This was how I woke up yesterday too, but for some reason this morning is different. Maybe it's he pounding headache. Or maybe the fact we have no clothes on and I have no memories of last night.

I'm lucky I fell asleep on my side of the bed, A.K.A sleeper sofa, because my side has the basement window shining rays from the sunrise in my eyes. Huh, the one thing I remember from last night is Kellin being druk enough last night call his basement his dorm room. 

Kellin is turned the other way, hopefully he won't wake up for awhile, and by then I'll be long gone."Sh.it!" I mutter, getting out of bed carefully so as to most wake up Kellin. I tug on my clothes, find any of my missing things, and run away.

I was really wanting to have a friendship with Kellin. In high school we jumped from love to hate, hate to love, and we never got to really know each other first. If I ever got back together with him, I was hoping to know him. To rediscover the mystery that is Kellin Quinn.

Oh god, I've fu.cked everything up, haven't I?

*******

Knock, knock, knock. I hear the sound echo through my mostly empty dorm and sigh. I knew this was coming. It has to be Kellin, coming to either try to slap me or convince me to go out with him. If he slaps me I'll turn the other cheek. Not fight back, I'll never hit Kellin. No matter what he does.

If he tries to convince me to go out with him I'll say no.

Why? Because I'm sick and fu.cking tired of hurting him. I've done it too much already, and every time I tried to fix it, it would just backfire on me. That's why I made the wrong choice in high school. I knew it was the wrong choice, but I couldn't handle hurting Kellin any longer. Look how that turned out. I sigh and get up to answer the door.

But it isn't Kellin at the door. Instead it's a slightly older looking woman, still beautiful in a elegant way. Her hair is short and blonde, and she's shirt, like shorter than me! 

When the door opens and she sees me, her eyes widen. "Victor..." she breathes out. I awkwardly stand there. She bites her lip nervously. "I know you might not want to see me, but-"

"Do I know you?" I ask her, and it comes out rude, but I'm just frustrated. I had a whole speech prepared to say to Kellin, about why we can't be together and sh.it, and then this random lady shows up!

She sighs. "I suppose it has been a long time." She does look kind familiar, like she's ringing a bell in my head, but I have no idea why. Maybe she's one of my parents friends?

"So I do know you?" I ask her. She nods.

"Yes, Vic. You see, I'm your mother."

*******

Kellin's POV

"Daddy!" Cope exclaims. "Miss you..." As, she missed me when I spent time with Vic. She just barely two years old, and I swear she's so smart! Maybe that's just me being biased as a parent, but she really is amazing. 

"I missed you too, Cope. I just had to help a... a friend." I tell her, crouching down so we're the same height. She can only speak in two or three word sentences, but she learns more every day! It's so incredible. 

"Fren?" She questioned. I nodded. Good Lord, this child is too cute for her own good.

"Like one of the girls or boys you play with." I explain. She smiles really big. I like to set her up with people to play with at her daycare. There a few people she plays with a lot, Mathew, Lindsey, and John. 

I would prefer to see her more, or let her stay with my mother or Dad, but they both have jobs. They're fairly young for grandparents. And even though I dropped out of college, I still can't hang out all the time. I have a band, which I put a lot of effort and time into, and a Jon. I work at the mall at the hot topic.

"I have fren!"

I chuckle at her, and then turn around, still crouching. "Do you want s piggy back ride?"

"Yay!" She yells, launching herself on my back. We, well I, run around the house, laughing at everything and just being together. I make her a sandwich and lemonade for lunch.

I love little Copeland, even with all the bad things about having a kid. She's really amazing. And even though I was going to see Vic about... last night, family, or Copeland, comes first. I guess Vic can wait. I'm sure he's absolutely fine without me anyways.


	6. Chapter 6

Kellin's POV

     Vic isn't answering his phone. Not texts, not calls, nothing at all. Zilch. Is he ignoring me, or awkward that we slept together, what is it? Maybe he's worried about anything relationship wise. Or maybe he's in actual trouble?

     We haven't spoken for an entire week, and I'm really worrying about him. He did just lose his coping method and visit his dead boyfriend to try to move on from him. So I've decided, I have to go see him. Make sure that he's okay and all that. It's purely platonic, I swear. 

     I drop Cope off at her daycare first, and see her playing with her 'frens' already. Then I drive to Vic's dorm. I think he'll be there, but he might be in class. God, it would be so awkward if he isn't in his dorm because then I either walk away awkwardly or wait there even more awkwardly, and then hello think I'm a creep. Or maybe he'll be here but hello just reject me without even thinking about us, not that I'm going to ask for a relationship or anything, no like what? I would totally, um never do that to him, like ever. 

     The walk to his door is tense for me, and when I knock I barely have to make a sound for him to respond.

     "God dam.n it, woman, leave me alone!" He shouts. Um, what? "If you really are my mother than you know why I never want to see or talk to you again!" Wait. His mother? All I know about her is that she left them, he never told me why. I could tell he didn't want to talk about it so I didn't push him to talk. But does this mean that his actual mother is back?

     "Um... I'm not your mom," I say awkwardly, scratching the back of my head. I hear a thud sound from behind the door, and a few seconds later the door opens and Vic pokes his head out. 

     "Kellin? What are you doing here?" He asks. I open my mouth to reply, but Vic cuts me off. "Actually, just come inside. We'll talk there." I nod, and start to walk in but Vic just yanks me in and slams the door behind me, locking it as well. 

     I walk in and notice the haphazard shape of the room, it looks like a tornado touched down in here! There's even a sock hanging from the ceiling fan. I manage to find a place to sit down, the chair at his desk. The whole surface of the desk is scattered with papers, and I am starting to worry about Vic. Other than my other worrying besides his mom possibly having returned, of course.

     "Are... are you okay, Vic?" I question him, expecting a lie between his teeth. 

     Instead I get a simple reply. "No." I'm kinda surprised by this as I thought for sure he would lie and say everything was alright? Is this an improvement? I really do hope that it is.

     There's a lot of hesitation on my part before I ask him, "Is it about your mom? He nods, looking sullen. "May I ask... what happened with your mom?" I question him cautiously. It's obviously affecting him tons right now.

     He waits a long time, several minutes, to respond. When he does it startled me as I forgot I even asked him a question. "Yeah. Yeah, I'll tell you, you deserve to know. I should've told you a long time ago." I hear regret echo in his voice.

     I turn my chair to face where he just moved some stuff to sit down on his bed. He looks at his hands. "I'm going to need you to not interrupt me, okay? Just listen. This is ... this is really important to me." 

     He isn't looking up, so when I nod he doesn't notice. Oops. "Okay," I confirm with him. He nods.

     "Alright then. So, when I was a little kid still living in my elementary school era, I had not yet come out to anyone yet. Not even myself. There was this boy who lived a,Ross the street from me... I had a crush on him. I convinced myself I hated him instead. Granted, I went to a Catholic school, so homophobia as practically drilled in my head," Vic tells me all of this carefully, like he's handing over something delicate that if it fell could break before it touched the ground. Then again, he might as well be doing that.

     "In fifth grade I made peace with myself. I no longer hated the boy, it wasn't his fault I had a crush on him. This was at the end of the year, and for p my a few days I dent hate the boy. Anyhow, I decided, bad move on my part, to tell my parents about the party of me I had just recently discovered, and was so excited I had finally accepted."

     "I told my parents and it didn't go over well. I'll spare you the details, basically my mom left the house screaming at me for being an abomination, and I never saw her again till just a day or two ago. My father didn't want to be around the house he had gotten with my mother, but he had supported me. He just went on long business trios, all the time. He transferred me to public school, and since then I practically raised Mike and I."

     "Wow, Vic, thats-" he cuts me off.

     "No, I'm not done. There's something else you need to know." I listen for it. "The kid, the boy who made me realize I was, and am, bi, he moved away after fifth grade. I didn't really hate him that much before I came out, but after I blamed him for what had happened to my family. It wasn't fair, but I was young and stupid. I don't still blame him." 

     "I don't see how that applies-"

     "Just listen, okay? Anyway, I thought I'd never see that boy again, so it was harmless hate. I never expected him to be going to my new, public school."

     "Wait," I interrupt him again. "I know the person that made you k ow you were bi?" I see his lips turn upwards in a smirk.

     "Yeah, I'd say you know them pretty well, better than most people know him." He looks like he's laughing almost, and it feels nice to know I can make him laugh, well, almost laugh.

     He doesn't quit it. "What?!" I demand him to tell me. I don't like not knowing things. His gaze reaches mine.

     "Kellin," he tells me, still sounding on the edge of laughter, "the boy is you."


	7. Chapter 7

Vic's POV

His jaw drops open in disbelief. "Me?" He asks, as if expecting me to shout GOT YOU! And laugh in his face. I laugh in his face anyway, and he still looks confused. Poor Kellin, he never did think that I might have loved him before all of what happened in senior year.

"Of course, you. Why do you think I hated you for so long? It as because I was really in love with you, even though I lied to myself." He still looks unbelieving. "Though, I guess I hated you too. I loved you and hated you- I was very confused."

His expression turns thoughtful. "Huh. So I'm the first guy you ever felt gay for."

"Yup."

"Are you sure?" Really Kellin? Why the fu.ck would I lie? That makes absolutely no sense. But the little, cute hesitant look on his face is adorable, so...

"Yup."

"Because I could totally get if you were just being nice-" 

Oh my god, if I hated you I'd let you know, I'm not anywhere close to being nice enough to hide my hatred. I revel in my hatred. If I hate you, I let you fu.cking know it.

"Nope."

"Really?" Fu.ck. You just can't seem to handle how amazing you are, why do you need this much confirmation I'm not lying to you!?!? Ugh. 

"Yup."

"I mean, are you positive-" Okay, seriously, I'm done. Done, done, done, Josh, done, done. Completely and wholly done. 

Done.

"Kellin. I'm serious. You're awesome. Get over it." 

"...Okay."

I smile at him, and he smiles back. Big and happy and amazingly, incredibly beautiful.   
Then his expression turns slightly nervous. Oh no. He's gonna do it, isn't he? He really, really shouldn't, oh god. 

"Hey Vic, so I was wondering..." he starts, looking and sounding hopeful. Oh no, please don't Kellin, please I really don't want to hurt you. "Maybe some time we should... you know. Go out."

I decide go play dumb, maybe he'll take it back? "Sure, we can hang out sometime," I say with a tone in my voice that suggests I don't know what he's really talking about. Please, Kellin. Take it back, we can hang out as just friends, we can be friends, let's not rush anything. Please.

He doesn't take it back. "No, Vic, like not as friends, as... more." He bites his lip anxiously. I sigh, I'm going to really hate doing this to him. I hate hurting him so much.

"Kellin-"

"It's okay, sorry, I mean. Whatever, you know?" He says, eyes and voice getting frantic with rejection.

"Kellin-"

"No, no, no. I understand. It's because of Oli, right? I should've known, God I'm so insensitive and awful-"

"Kellin-"

"Or it's because you don't even like me that much, right? I mean, you did choose Oli over me. Or because of that time recently we slept together. Look, I'm sorry-"

"Kellin!" I raise my voice a little and he stops rambling. Thank god. "Listen to me." I say in a calmer voice than my previous tone. He nods, staying silent.

"The reason I'm saying no is not because of Oli. It's not because of my feelings for y o u being too weak, no I feel a lot for you. And it's not because of when we slept together, that was not you or me's fault." His eyebrows furrow in confusion.

"Then why?" He questions me quietly, sounding a little bit defeated. 

I sigh, and don't look at his eyes, they're too searching, sad. And I know I did that to him, just wreck him over and over. I'm so bad for him, he should just let me go. It would be far more peaceful for him if he did.

Hopefully I will be able to still know him after this. Maybe this will even be the last time I wreck him. That would be nice, really nice. I hate what I do to him, it's not fair. He was a fine person, then I came and poisoned his life, even before we started dating and I broke his heart.

"For the exact same reason I chose Oli over you." I start. "Let me just say, when I chose him I had previously spent a long time in question cabin, alone, thinking. I had to clear my head, and I had to decide who I was really in love with." I look him in the eyes again. His shoulders are slumped, he probably is guessing who I'll say I was in love with. Oh, Kellin.

"I knew I was in love with you, not Oli." His eyes snap up to mine in shock, and they've widened a ton. 

"What?" He hardly even breathes the question out, looking utterly shell shocked. His breathing is slightly uneven. Oh no, this is really gonna break him. He's going to know that all those times when he cried over me, he could've had me if I had just been selfish.

"I was in love with you, not Oli." I repeat. "But that was why I had to let you go." His eyes search mine crazily.

"This- this doesn't make any sense, I don't- I don't understand. If you loved me, why the fu.ck did you choose Oli?!" He demands, looking angry, flustered, and partially heartbroken.

"Just- listen, okay? I'm not done." I say. He nods, but still looks unhappy.

"Alright." 

"I knew you were the right choice. But I also knew I was, and I still am by the way, awful for you. I hated you for years, I bullied you for years, and the entire time we were dating I was cheating on you, whether it was Mr. Purdy or Oli!" My voice reaches a frantic pitch, and I try to calm myself.

"I also had the perfect opportunity to free you from me. You were obviously being held back by me, and I hurt you over and over. It killed me inside, Kells. But I knew you were going to choose your biological parents, and that you'd probably want to do long distance. But the only reason you went back to me when you found out about Mr. Purdy was you kept seeing me and you missed me. But if you just missed me but didn't see me, I figured you'd get over me, live your life." I sigh.

"I was supposed to just break up with you, that way you'd eventually just dismiss me as a do.uche. I never even knew the way you found out who I chose until Mike told me. And I felt fu.cking awful for it. But then I hoped it would help you get over me even more, that you'd get angry enough to hate me again." By look on his face, I can tell he's not happy with what I'm telling him. Whatever, he deserves to know this. 

"I chose to love Oli and renounce my love for you. Because I wasn't selfish enough to keep you and continue to hurt you. So that's why I won't date you now. It isn't Oli, it isn't you, it really is me. I refuse to hurt you again."

My last words to him before be leaves are, "Maybe we're meant to lose the ones we love." It makes sense to me. I lost Kellin, my mom, and Oli. I seem to lose everyone.

He stands up and flips me off. "Fu.ck you, Vic." Then he storms our, slamming the door after him. 

Sh.it.


	8. Chapter 8

Kellin's POV

Who the fu.ck does he even think he is?! He doesn't get to choose for me! What if I wanted to keep getting my heart broken, huh? What if I wouldn't have cared about it? And Vic didn't break my heart, he just stopped fixing it. He had been healing me from all the pain in my last by just existing in harmony with me, he was like a drug, then he yanked it away! People need to be eased out of addiction, and now... he really has broken my heart, this time for real. 

Vic is right, he was selfish and still is. Just not the way he thinks.

I try to calm myself down while I'm driving. After all, getting in an accident could only hurt people, Cope, Mom, Dad, maybe even Vic. Not to mention my friends. Still, I can't stop myself from gripping the steering wheel till the tips of my fingers look white.

I slam my door in my house (my parent's house, whatever) angry, but it all fades away when I hear a small voice say, "Daddy?" It's Copeland. 

"Baby, why aren't you at daycare?" I ask her, taking in her appearance with worry. She looks a wreck, more than two year olds usually look. Like, she looks like a miserable, sick, wreck. "Are you okay?"

She sniffles. "No, no daddy. Too hot." Too hot? I feel her forehead and gasp, she's burning up! Is my baby okay? Oh god, please let her be okay. I shouldn't have gone to see Vic, Cope needs me!

"Mom? Dad?" I call out, hoping one of them is here. Fu.ck, neither of them really know how to raise a kid, even if it's just helping someone raise a kid, they both sucked at it! Oh god, they probably left her alone. I know I'm right when silence responded to me, A.K.A no one and nothing but Copeland whimpering and sniffling. 

I don't know how to help her! Fu.ck, fu.ck, godda.mnit, sh.it! I turn back to face Cope, maybe comfort her of something, when she promptly collapses.

"Cope!"

Vic's POV

I may have done the wrong thing just now, with Kellin and all. I thought that he deserved the truth after all that time, but maybe ... May be I could've been gentler or something? 

Then, of course, there's the stress put on me from the fact that I really, really want to give Kellin and I a chance. I thought I was doing the right thing by denying Kellin, after all I only hurt him, and it's awful. I really, genuinely think that maybe we're just meant to lose the ones we love. But maybe ... I was wrong. I don't know, it's confusing. Plus there's the fact that my mom is back, and and keeps trying to see me, talk to me. She says she can explain. Sure.

After Mom left Dad could hardly look at me, he distanced himself from Mike and I. For years I hated myself, Kellin, Dad, even Mike. In the end I realized none of us were to blame, that it was all Mom's fault she was so narrow minded, enough to leave her family. It wasn't my fault. But I only found that out years later, with a beaten and broken down mental state, and many scars. 

So yeah, stress is plaguing me a lot right now. And apparently I can't trust my own decisions. I thought being away from Kellin would help both of us, nope. I thought telling Kellin would be okay and actually good for him, another big nope. I ... let just say I've made a lot of mistakes over the years, skip the trip down memory lane, yeah?

I think I'm going to have to ask someone for advice. Let's see, not Dad, he'll legit just laugh at me, same with Mike. I know right, I have the most wonderful family ever. Um, not Tony, he's busy with that one girlfriend he's always talking about... Fu.ck, what's her name? I'm an awful friend. Eh, I do know she's pregnant. That's why Tony is busy.

I think that means... Jaime. Yeah, it's Hime-Time.

*******

"Wait... what are you saying, Jaime?" I ask him. He's being so confusing, like people are when they really don't want to offend you but they know they're about to. Ugh, I have so much experience with doing that, saying as my life is like one giant mistake. Yup, positivity. I'm such a role model.

I absent mindedly scratch my arms, they're still kinda sore. It's been only a little while since I, well Kellin made me, stop cutting. It's really hard to resist the temptation, and it sucks because I don't want to, but I feel like I have to, or I need to. Day by day, baby steps. It does get better, I have to remind myself constantly. With all the drama it's been especially hard to not, though. I know, I sound like a whiny first world country as.shole. Well... Fu.ck you.

Not literally. Like, fu.ck people like that but I'm not going to fu.ck them, if you know what I mean. I'm not having se.x with rude people!

I can hear him signing at me over the phone. Well gee, thanks a lot Jaime. "I'm saying, don't ask Kellin out, or accept his asking out ... ness." That response surprises me to say the least. When I told Jaime about how me and Kellin had a little secret thing but it was my fault it was over, he said, and this is a direct quote, "Oh. Too bad you guys are over, I actually kinda ship it."

"What?" I say, inhaling fast and sharp. I can practically feel him rolling his eyes at me over the phone. 

"Look, I know you like him. I know he likes you. But you two... ugh. You're an idiot, Vic Fuentes."

"What does that have to do with anything?" I reply, snapping my fingers, then realising Jaime can't actually see me or probably hear my snapping fingers, so I switch to scratching my wrist again.

"Well, both of you are idiots. You need to let yourselves... know each other. Understand who the other person is, because you two both jumped into your relationship blind last time, and it fell apart, hurting both of you at least a little bit. A lot bit for Kellin, though." At that I grimace.

"Yeah... I guess that makes sense." 

"Also... I know you don't like when it's brought up but... Oli died only two months ago. And you were going to marry him. Don't you think it's a bit early to jump into kellins arms?"

"I don't know-"

"Or is that just it in itself? Do you want Kellin just because you want comfort, or because you want Kellin?" I pause at that, and feel a little terrified when I realize that I don't know. Kellin, comfort, they seem kinda the same right now. Which I suppose mean that Jaime is right. It wouldn't be fair to Kellin or me to force feelings on what could be just friends.

I pause a second before responding."Okay. I understand, you're right...I just wish that it wasn't so complicated, you know? That feelings could just be feelings and not a whole bunch of other sh.it added in."

He chuckles at me over the phone. "It could be, except your feelings coincidentally are sh.it." I laugh at him, even though he's burning me.

"Nice one, Hime. Real nice."

"I know, I know. The nicest."

"Well, I gotta hang up now, I have to, ugh, study. On notes. From lectures." Jaime laughs at me again. He dropped out of college to work on his musical skills. I do have to hand it to him, he's an incredible bassist. Him, Mike, Tony and I had a little band back when I still lived in California, called Pierce the Veil. It wasn't really serious, but I was still really sad to leave it and them all the way back home. God, I miss them tons.

"Okay, be a good student or whatever, but Vic!" He practically shouts the last part, causing me to wince and slightly cradle my ear.

"Yeah?"

"Just because you and Kellin now aren't a good idea doesn't mean you might need Dr be! I still ship it! Good bye!" He exclaims all of it with so much enthusiasm I can't help but laugh at his antics.

"Bye Jaime. Stay awesome."

"Will do, old pal. Until next time." He hangs up, and I'm met with silence and notes, ready to be studied and all that sh.it. 

*******

Kellin's POV

My baby is dying.


	9. Chapter 9

Kellin's POV

There's this one word, and it has been bothering me quite a bit lately. 

Well, ever since the doctor told me the word and also told me Cope would spend the night in a hospital. The word, it's like it's hurting me, not her. But I know that it definitely is hurting her, I should've looked at those little red spots on her skin and thought it maybe wasn't a rash. I should've noticed all the recent infections. I should've noticed how easily she bruised when she fell, or how much she sweat when she slept. I should've pieced together that jigsaw puzzle, but I didn't. And now that word might make it so that I noticed far too late for Cope.

It's kinda messed up how one simple, stupid word can ruin my life. Well, might ruin my life, and Copeland's too. Oh god, I can't stand the word, it digs under my nails and it burns on my tongue. The worst part of all is that Cope didn't even know what was going on, what the word meant, or even where she was when she woke up. She looked scared, and cold in the thin hospital gown that practically drowned her. 

Actually, no. The worst part is that my boss wouldn't let me take off work to stay with her, even when I tried to tell him the word. He said I had stayed away from work long enough, but it really had only been two days! I got fired for not paying attention at work, and now I'm just sitting on the side of the road, cradling my head in my hands and thinking about the word. I can't drive because I got a ride here from my Mom, mother whatever, who coincidentally has work right now, same as my Dad.

I also just really want to be left alone, and I also want some company at the same time. And I need to get back to Cope, she must be so scared to be there without me. But I can't even find the motivation to stand up, and I know if I did then I would just fall back down again. And the word, it repeats over and over on an endless loop in my head. 

I wish I hadn't taken it all for granted. I was so stupid to get mad over Vic when this was happening, and it's so much more crucial to my life. I can't lose Cope, I will never let her go. But now... she's been yanked from my grasp, figuratively of course, and I don't know if it will ever be alright again. And the never ending loop of the word goes on and on and on in my head.

Vic's POV

This is so stupid. Legit, I really don't want to go to the mall for this... thing. But Coach said that it was necessary, and this is the closest place it's sold. God, I'm going to look like such an idiot buying this.

And even worse, there's someone blocking a parking space! Even if they are kinda cute... wait. Is that Kellin? Why the fu.ck is he just crying there? Or here, whatever. But what's the matter with him is actually more I.important if where he is counts as there or here or both. Though I do still want to know which it actually is...

I decide to park in a different spot, console Kellin (who might still be pis.sed at me but whatever), and possibly ask him later which it would be, there or here or both. Maybe now we'll actually become friends? 

Ugh, stop daydreaming Vic, you look like a fu.cking weirdo idiot!

I start walking towards Kellin when I step out of my car, and something strikes me. This isn't just normal crying, or even heartbroken crying. This is the crying edging on a complete break down, the type of some one who was defeated to the point that they practically can't even go on any more.

That type of crying is familiar to me, as I experienced it many times after my mom left, when dad distanced himself, and the most recent time when Oli... passed away.

He didn't notice me in the slightest while I was walking up to him, but now he tilts his head up to see me, and I can feel my eyebrows furrow in confusion. What could possibly be so bad? I definitely could not have done this to him, I'm not gain enough to believe that for even a slight second. So what is it? What is the matter with Kellin?

I don't say anything, just sit next to him and wrap my arms around him. I know he may not want my comfort or help, but I'm willing to help him and I think he should know that I also don't hate him. Still, maybe it was a bit presumptuous to try to hold him...

He stays stiff for a moment before falling apart in my arms. I'll give it to him, he's a very silent crier, even when he's been pushed past his limit. We text a few odd states by randoms, but I glare at them to make then stop and go away, and it surprisingly works well. 

Should I ask what the problem is? Maybe that would be overstepping my boundaries. Still, I'm really curious, and I so really want to help Kellin in whatever possible way that I can. I feel like right now is a good, well, better than usual time to ask the problem. He's calming down it seems, and his breathing is getting more regular as well as his tears, which are still flowing freely, slowing down considerably.

I gently cup my hand under his chin, tilting his head up to look at me again. Tears are clinging to his eyelashes, and I can see how broken he really is by looking into his eyes. Oh god, it's a good thing I found Kellin or he might have met trouble. What if some perv noticed how vulnerable Kellin was before I had arrived? That thought really cares me. I hate the idea of Kellin getting hurt at all. 

My voice is soothing (I hope) to Kellin, and his breathing had a normal tempo when I start talking, "Kells... I know it's not really my place... but what's the-"

His voice is the complete opposite of mine when it interrupts me, strangled sounding. Like he's just barely choking put his words. "Copeland." He says, his eyes wide and wild.

"Huh?" I'm confused. What the-

"She has..." his head bows down, and I barely hear the last word out of his mouth, "leukemia."

Who's Copeland?


	10. Chapter 10

Hey, sorry about this, but I'm not going to be writing fanfiction on this account any longer. I have many reasons, but most are personal. I will be giving this account away, along with the Wattpad account of this as well, you just have to message me about it. I'll check you out, make sure you're okay to have this account, and then tell you the information. There are still many drafts I'm leaving on the Wattpad account, but I also deleted others simply so that I could keep my more original ideas as my own. Remember, message me if you're interested!

-ScarletShadow9


	11. I hope I come back to haunt you

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey hey hey! My name is Lola and I'm taking over ScarletShadow's account. I hope you enjoy my writing! This chapte is kinda short, but I wanted to finish it so I could introduce myself.

Kellin’s POV

            Vic found me sobbing in the parking lot. He wrapped his arms around me, and soothed me as I cried.

            “Kellin, what’s wrong?”  
            “Copeland,” I choked out. “She has leukemia.”

            “Who’s Copeland?”

            “She’s, she’s my baby girl.” I whispered. Oh god, my baby had cancer. She was dying!

            “You have a kid?” His voice was laced with surprise.

            “Yeah. She’s the only good part of my life,” I sniffled.

            “Kellin, I’m so sorry. Is there anything I can do?”  
            “Just, just leave me alone.” Like hell I’m going to leave him alone in this state. I was worried that he would do something dangerous.

            “I can’t let you be alone. Did you drive here?”  
            “No. My mom dropped me off,” I said, embarrassed. What self-respecting college student has to be picked up by their mom?

            “Okay. I’m taking you home.” He walked me over to my car and asked me where my parents’ house was. I gave him my address, and we drove in silence, the only sound being my crying.

            “Hey, Kellin? Can I have your phone number?”  
            “It’s the same one it’s always been.”

            “Okay, good. I just don’t want you to be alone. Just call or text me if you need anything.” He dropped me off outside of my house and I let myself in.

            “Mom? I’m home!” I called.

            “Why are you home so early?”

            “I got fired. I ‘wasn’t able to focus on work’.” My mom sighed.

            “Kellin, I don’t know what we’re going to do about Copeland. You know we can’t afford her treatment.” I could feel my heart breaking. “I’m really sorry, Kells.” I shook my head, and climbed up the stairs, looking for a new job. I found one at the fast food restaurant about two blocks away. Perfect. Maybe I could earn some money for Cope’s treatment. What was I thinking? She had cancer! Minimum wage wasn’t going to do much to help. There was very little hope for my baby.

 

Vic’s POV

            He has a kid? Since when? Kellin had really changed since I dated him. Why didn’t he mention this earlier? I knew the reason, that he was too busy taking care of me, but I still felt a little betrayed. I shook my head, and pulled out of Kellin’s driveway and headed home.

            Outside of my room, there was a cardboard box with a note attached. I grabbed the note.

_Dear Vic,_

_In the box is the items Oli wanted you to have in his suicide note. He made it very clear that you should NOT hurt yourself in any way after his death. Good luck, Vic, and if you ever need anything you know where to find us._

_Love, Mrs. Sykes_

            No. I can’t deal with more emotional trauma. I had enough for one day. But curiosity won over caution and I needed to know what was in the box. I carefully opened it, and started sorting the items out onto my bed. The box was filled with memories. There were pictures of the two of us, smiling and laughing. He seemed so happy. What had gone wrong?

            I found some seashells from when we went to the beach together and the teddy bear I had won him at the fair. It was starting to overwhelm me. At the bottom of the box, I found an envelope addressed to me in Oli’s messy scrawl. I ripped it open, eager to read Oli’s last words to me.

            _Dear Oli,_

_I want you to know that I love you very much and you were one of he only reasons I stayed alive this long. You were the only person I have ever loved, and I’m so sorry I had to leave you like this. I just can’t handle living any more. Everyday is torture, faking a smile just so nothing seems wrong. When you read this, I’ll be dead. I will miss you so much, but living is not worth it. If you dare hurt yourself, though, I WILL come back to haunt you. I love you very much, but I know you always loved Kellin more. I don’t think you ever got over him. I want you to find him and get back together. Your happiness will be my legacy. That’s all I ever wanted, was for you to be happy. I love you._

_Goodbye, with love,_

_Oli Sykes_

            How dare he leave me when I loved him so much! He broke my fucking heart and I don’t know if it will ever be whole again. And I never regretted hurting myself more. He didn’t want me to, yet I did anyways. I broke his trust. I started sobbing, curled up in my bed with Oli’s note clutched to my chest. I fell asleep like that, and didn’t wake up until mornin

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you enjoyed. Kudos, comments and plot ideas appreciated.xoxoLola


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